On Monday’s episode of The Hills, Lauren Conrad decides to bring her new date model Gavin Beasley over to her ex Brody Jenner’s place for a BBQ. This may be hard for some of you to read, but the entire thing was scripted. As in, not real. As in, the show is fake. I’ll let that shocking shocking news sink in. In the meantime, Gavin spoke to VH1’s Best Week Ever yesterday about his experience on the The Hills:

On being set up with Lauren:
“Then in August I got a call from my agency to go to a casting call for Teen Vogue, and Lauren and the camera crews just so happened to be there. She remembered me from our shoot, and the next thing I know, a producer’s asking me to ask Lauren for her number, and I’m signing release forms and being shot for The Hills. They wanted me to ask her about the runway show, how long she had worked that day, when would she get off, stuff like that.”

On meeting Lauren’s ex Brody:
“Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, ‘the audience would get a kick out of seeing ‘the ex’ talking to ‘the new guy’.’ So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, ‘Sorry about that, we’re just trying to make good television.’”

On his “date” with Lauren:
“I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she’s kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface…. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t.”

Does this mean that when Heidi and Lauren are talking on their cell phones and sipping iced lattes, they’re not really talking on their cell phones and sipping lattes? No, don’t tell me. I couldn’t bear the truth. I want to keep my memories the way they are. Pure like the driven snow. Ah, I can see Lauren now, babbling away about something or another, latte pressed to her lips. You’ll always be that way to me, Lauren Conrad. Always…